The Tour of the Forgotten Climbs (aka The Ride of the Boiled Brains)

I’m not sure how I became defacto blogger for Sunday’s “Tour of the Forgotten Climbs” (aka the Little Big Day Out) – because I’m pretty sure that occasional KOM premier is no qualification. And I’m sure that club “secretary in waiting” is not much of an endorsement either although I suppose that such folks are supposed to be able to write, right? (Note1 to self – standing for office can have unforeseen consequences – be more careful in the future!)

Prologue

Anyway, a hardy group of about 15 sprouleurs rolled out from Coode St car park at about 7:05. Why “hardy” you say? Coz all good adventure stories start like that. Well, at least I’m sure that Enid Blyton stories start something like that, and a certain degree of hardiness was to be required for the ensuing ride. Or was that fool hardiness? Ride of the forgotten climbs indeed! More like the “ride of the missing flats” – no no cancel that order, we got plenty! More like the ride of the boiled brains – yeah that’s it – the “ride of the boiled brains”! The sprouleurs ( I just made that up, coz I can!) made it as far as Swansea St in Vic Park before the first of the missing flats was found. Strangely, and possibly cunningly, it was found at the bottom of the route designer’s front wheel. Now, I’m not one to suggest that Pete deliberately rode over the patch of glass that indicated we were passing through the drinking warriors feeding ground, but it does seem suspicious that Pete, knowing exactly what verticality was ahead of us, insisted we ride on and he’d make his own way (in blue 4-wheeled aircon luxury, as it turns out). So, we travailed on (I think I made that up too), only to find that one of our hardy bunch has taken another route. Bugger! Where’s drronnie? Loz was most concerned, and thinking that this was an opportunity to show how concerned I was and take some pressure off myself to burst up the Welshpool Rd climb, I turned back to search for our lost soul. However, it was a fruitless errand, and upon turning back and rejoining the adventurers, drronnie was found to have shortcutted back in to the group. Drama over. And so we settled into a nice happy little party at the bottom of the Welshpool Rd incline.

KOM1

I like the Welshpool Rd climb, whether it’s to the end of Welshpool Rd itself or diverting up Lesmurdie Rd. Perhaps I like it because it’s long and boring and not too steep. Or perhaps it’s because I can still recall my first climbs up the hill over 20 years ago (on the same bike as I’m riding now as it turns out) on a 42T front chainring and maybe an 18T or 19T rear cog. And no fancy light bike either. Now that was a grind! Mostly all out of the saddle, with no lower gears to fall back on. The ride these days seems like a breeze in comparison – and I am certainly not complaining. I know the hill pretty well, and I also listened to Pete’s instructions about the KOM points finish line – sort of! Consequently, during the ride up the Lesmurdie Rd section I was quite amused and relieved to see Danny D sprint past us near the roundabout near the small shops at the hollow on Lesmurdie Rd. I wasn’t saying anything.  So as we approached the proper finish near the servo, I put in an effort to try to gain maximum points. The only problem was that Warren the Wolfman was pretty keen to huff and puff and blow my plan down, and so a keen tussle to the finish ensued. As the bus shelter near the servo approached, despite a modest lead I pointed it out to ensure that I wasn’t overhauled on the line. Woops – wrong bus stop – the real one was about 100m further up the road. Sorry!

Order: Stu, Warren, Danny D, Ben, Hunter

Discussion at the regroup point at the servo focused on “where’s Dan?” It was eventually determined that he had passed through and after a respectful wait in case he returned we headed off again toward the observatory. There’s not much to report on for the next stage, except that subsequent reference back to the course map shows we took a short cut by turning left at  Carmel Rd instead of Glenisla Rd.

KOM2

The descent down Walnut Rd past our normal turn at Aldersyde Rd is fast and short, and easy to miss-time the gear change on the steep ascent up the other side. We normally come from the other direction so it was nice to appreciate a different perspective. I was happy to lead for most of the climb, but when the finish approached I had little strength or inclination to fight this one out. Ben took the points. The road surface past our usual turn point at Patterson Rd was smooth and fast (if you had the strength) allowing a pleasant ride up to the regroup point at the boom gate. It would be great if this little piece of road could be linked to other routes. Pete had driven up and was now waiting at the boom gate to give us encouragement for the next section, and take photo evidence of the torture.

Order: Ben, Warren, Danny D, Stu, John D

KOM3
This KOM section commenced immediately from the end of KOM2 and retraced the route we had just come. However, instead of continuing further up Lawnbrook Rd we diverted to the right at Heidleberg Rd. At quick left turn at Hill St  gave little warning of the impending pain. Note2 to self – make sure you’re in your lowest gear before you turn from Heidelbugger Rode into Hill (hoho) St. Note3 to self – double check you are in your lowest ring, front and back. Another left turn led to Karwina Rd. Now initially I wasn’t too fussed about the supposed 17% gradient. I’d been up 15%  many times before, so a little 2% would only be a bit harder right? Wrong! Especially if the 2% is more like 5%! My first look at the climb caused a severe baulk! I’m a not going up there! However, the embarrassing consequence of this option eventually caused a change of heart, not to mention that it might be caught on camera. Let me say – its steep! Kinda like verticality meets traverse, and wins hands down. Note4 to self – make sure you put a 25T cassette on the wheel next time this ride comes up. Ben and Warren showed great strength and determination to take prime points.

Order: Ben, Warren,  Stu, Bill, Jeff

Regroup and discussion at the top of the “chookenberg” centered around two main themes: the fowl smell and whether or not we’d done enough riding and suffered enough pain to justify not completing the remainder of the mapped ride and head straight for coffee. Nobody wanted the points that desperately, so good sense prevailed. An early arrival at the cafe and good service were truly welcome.

Coffee points:  Ben, Warren, Carl, John D, Lorraine, Danny D, Stu, Bill, Pete, Shao, Mark D, drMark, drRonnie, Hunter?, Lisa, who else?? (claim in the “leave a comment” zone!)

During discussion at the cafe Warren indicated that he was headed back to the US next weekend and that it was his last Sunday ride. Hopefully the few rides he’s had with us will give him a little “out of season” advantage over his competitors when he starts racing again back home. However, there’s a chance he may be back so we look forward to some more huffin’ and puffin’ in the future.

The ride back down the hill was safe and uneventful. Mark easily took honours at the first sprint point helped by another fearless descent down the hill, whilst Danny D took honours at the Bunnings stop with a desperate sprint at the bottom of Berwick St.

stooge

4 thoughts on “The Tour of the Forgotten Climbs (aka The Ride of the Boiled Brains)”

  1. Noice One Mista Secretary…

    It ceratinly was a “memorable” hill ride on Sunday!
    The heat and the “unforgettable” climbs proved an efficient distraction from the results of over indulgence the night before!

    My question is… “why the hell do chickens decide to live on the top of a mountain anyway?”… “And why do need to cycle up to visit them?”

    Your par-boiled Marketing and Promotions Manager

  2. I believe that on occasions, said chooks stink…. hence needing to be well out of the way. They must get lonely and only the fitest and fastest get to see them 😉 mind you after or during that hill I was neither!!!

    Just keep telling yourself it will make us stronger – repeat after me “it will make us stronger”!!!!

    You completley boiled, frazzelled and microwaved Events Manager

  3. “It will make us stronger… It will make us stronger… It will make us kick some some SPR butt up those damn hills!”
    😉

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