Report by Julian 

It was my first Sunday ride in 4 weeks and I was looking forward to getting out and stretching the legs.  A challenging new course had been plotted by Peter, with trips up Kalamunda Rd and Gooseberry Hill, and there were 25 of us gathered in the car park at 7am.  The ride introduction was very quick, due to the approaching shower, and we were soon off but managed to miss most of the rain.  

We set out along Gt Eastern Highway and at one of the lights in Rivervale, had the first of several encounters with aggressive car drivers.  This particular driver thought it would be really smart to rev the car and spin the wheels from the lights to show off to us all.  Problem was he was in a Kia people mover and looked like a complete idiot when he fish tailed off the lights.  Hint for next time – try getting a car that actually looks like a hoon car before behaving like one.   

We continued along the Highway with Alistair and Peter leading us out and then on towards Guildford, when Heiko and Tim took over.  It was great to see a South Perth club ride being led by an Englishman and a German.  We turned into Kalamunda Rd to head for the hills and Brett and I found ourselves leading next.  As we approached the hill Brett bade me farewell and the climb began in earnest.  I was feeling petty fresh and the legs weren’t hurting from the roundabout episode on the Saturday ride so I kept a good pace going.  Looking behind, Alistair also was going well.  About 2/3’s up I dropped Alistair and turned around only to see Mike go past on a good attack.  Forgetting we still had several climbs to go, I reeled him in and we stuck together up to the petrol station before I made an attack.  Mike didn’t follow so I cruised up to the bus stop to claim the spoils.  Alistair held out Jerard for 3^rd and Brother Jules held out Tim and Peter for 5^th. 

Climb 1 – 1. Julian,  2. Mike B,  3. Alistair  4. Jerard,,  5. Brother Jules 

The shortcuts were established at the re-group and some of the first timers decided to call it quits.  By the time we set off for the Welshpool Rd climb there were 15 of us through and the instruction form Peter were clear.  The climb started at the top of the Lesmurdie Rd roundabout so anyone who could make a break down hill would hold the advantage once we hit Welshpool Rd.  Davina set an early pace down the hill, followed by Peter, Dan and a few others.  By the  time I hit Welshpool Rd I was a fair way back with a bit of work to do but was still feeling good and was confident of picking off everyone on the climb.  I made my way past Brett, Heiko (still in the big ring), Davina and Dan and on the second to last hill caught the front six.  At this point Peter launched an attack and Brother Jules went with him.  I set out after them, with Jerard, Alistair and Tim closely following.  Peter spent his tickets early and pulled out and it became a three way tussle between Brother Jules, Jerard and myself.  I managed to hold out Brother Jules (and as I found out later cost him a new bike!) with Jerard close behind.  

Climb 2 – 1. Julian,  2. Brother Jules,  3. Jerard,  4. English Tim,  5. Alistair 

We then headed off towards Pickering Brook, with the sun out and the apple trees in blossom.  Davina fell off the back and said not to wait.  Peter went back to check she was OK and Heiko and I sat back as well.  We caught the pack on the Repatriation Rd detour and it seemed everyone was enjoying themselves.  Melvyn was happy to be in touch after deciding against an early short cut and we hit Patterson Road in a fairly big group.  Peter missed the side loop as he was checking on Davina was up ahead as the pack set about bringing him in.  Mike B and Tim made a break before the top of the first rise, whilst Alistair, Jerard Brother Jules and I held back for the final climb.  Mike held it together well and was not caught but we claimed Tim before the top.  

Climb 3 – 1.Mike B,  2. Julian,  3. Jerard,  4. English Tim,  5. Alistair 

A quick regroup before we headed down the hill into Bickley Valley for the Mundaring Weir Rd climb.  Alistair dropped his chain after the first turn but was quickly back on.  The rest of us made steady pace until the climb started and a few breaks were made.  Peter tried an early attack and was followed by Mike and I.  About half way up Peter began to drop as Mike pushed on but I managed to hold his wheel and went around him again before the final rise.  We picked off a couple of Stadium tri club guys and in the last bit I was starting to hurt but Mike kept encouraging me from behind and let me take the points (thanks Mike). My time of 8 minutes flat wasn’t a PB but considering my legs I was pretty happy.  

Climb 4 – 1.Julian,  2. Mike B,  3. Brother Julian,  4. Alistair,  5. English Tim 

Once everyone finished it was decided to forego Gooseberry Hill and head straight for coffee.  Paris Brest was fairly quiet so we ended up there. Just on 9.30.  At 10.05 the coffees arrived and I later calculated that we could have ordered coffees, gone down the zig-zag and back up Gooseberry and still made it back before they we served.  There were a lot of high spirits at coffee with discussion focusing on leg hair removal, testosterone gel and male appendages (no females in the group). 

Then the fun started.  We decamped at about 10.30 and went up to Railway Rd.  A few of us got through the roundabout OK but Mr Dickhead in a Range Rover decided that a few cyclists weren’t going to hold him up so he entered the roundabout, cutting a few people off, then decided to do a right hand turn on the roundabout, scattering what was left of the group.  A few choice words were  exchanged before we set off again.  One we hit Canning Road we sat in single file and let the traffic flow.  This was not good enough for several cars coming the other way, who decided we were a nuisance and roundly abused us for being on the road.  Coming down Lesmurdie Road we were again showered with abuse (again by a car coming the other way!). 

We got down off the hill without further incident but encountered another Neanderthal in Berwick St, who didn’t abuse us directly, but rather tooted his horn until he had our undivided attention, then shot his middle finger up as we rode past.  Very classy.  The ride finished with Brother Julian taking the final Maccas sprint.  We then went out separate ways at Bunnings and hopefully no one had their feelings hurt anymore by car drivers on the way home.  At least English Tim has a very positive experience to take back with him about the behavior of Australian drivers.