A cold, wet expedition for those brave souls willing to create history for the glory of land and lady!

On arrival at the designated expedition departure point, Sir Specialized happened upon but just two brave, fearless souls of the SPR Order; Count Wilier and Duke Malvern-Star. Much was to be said regarding the surrounding weather that might lead to a tough, hard road ahead; there is scant merriment among men with precipitation on the mind. Perhaps The Northern Brothers of Scarborough, Baron Giant and Marquis Merida were again caught atop a precarious set of stairs; or perhaps this an unjust persecution of otherwise firm and favoured soldiers. With no other takers apparent, the three loan warriors departed for battle.

Labouchere Plains were crossed unscathed; The Day of Mothers being the only reference to the toils shared by men otherwise occupied yet yearning for battle with Hill and Valley combined. The Gods were kind as Canning Mews were wicked from the hooves of the still dry and as yet untested steeds. It was then, at the base of the Riesley Rise that Duke Malvern-Star, having been well rested at the heels of Specialized and Wilier, took to give his charge a stir. Specialized and Wilier were slow to respond and Malvern-Star belted to a quick and fleet footed lead. Slowly, but surely, the perhaps more battle hardened duo dragged Malvern-Star back to the fold where the three warriors punished collectively this hump’s foolhardiness with a deft and powerful strike to the top of the Rise…..round one to the Gallant Statesmen. The Heavens remained unopened.

The three Knights of the SPR Order traversed the civilized and sophisticated Empire of Booragoon; Malvern-Star relegated to the rear to think about his next opportunity to take charge; Wilier and Specialized firm with the warm inner glow of battle-won satisfaction. As the trio negotiated their way across the darkened Lands of Leach and Murdoch, they were joined by none other than the Wild Warrior of Wycomb, Lord Ridley! His hopes dashed at joining the Crusaders at the commencement of the expedition, a valiant effort to chase down his Bothers paid off; now, as a four-strong unit, how could anything stand in their way?!

Like a barbarian invasion of theByzantine Empire, the combatants ploughed their way forth. Duke Malvern-Star joined Sir Specialized at the front of the charge along South, wary of the Battle of Kardinya Hill that lay afore them. As the foursome rolled around the last bend, the full might of the challenge ahead revealed itself….and then the Heavens unleashed their fury!

With the rain unyielding in its anger, the soldiers took to their charges with vigour; Kardinya could still be theirs! Sir Specialised lead out, firm in the knowledge that Ridley and Wilier were in hot pursuit ready to strike out at their foe should he start to falter. Duke Malvern-Star, cured of his folly from earlier exploits, ensured that the group had their rearguard in place. As the rain formed bed sheets and vision was reduced, Specialised continued to charge, the breathing heavy with the weight of both the group’s expectation and individual physical exertion. Finally, as the second rise of the Kardinya Monster gave way, only three of the four remained; Malvern-Star having taken a heavy hit to the chest mid battle.

The descent beyond the Summit was brutal; water sprayed as the trio plummeted into the abyss. Vision was non-existent as the Heavens refused to be tamed; Malvern-Star gallantly throwing caution to the wind in order to rejoin the group. Thus, the drenched soldiers found themselves at the familiar South/Stock crossroads – the Battle of Fremantle would have to wait for another day….unfinished business to attend to!

The Heavens provided some reprieve allowing the group to take count of their wounds and recover from the previous battle. It was established that Wilier and Malvern-Star had not adequately prepared themselves for the conditions, leaving behind their covering footwear and other such wet weather sundries. Ridley and Specialised were on their last line of defence; feet still dry but wary of what was still to come.

A well earned respite was taken as the gents rolled along Stock until the Gods decided enough was enough; unleaseh the Beast!! The descent to Bourke wreaked havoc; visibility relegated to an imaginary concept; brakes squealing – annoyed at being called upon under such adverse conditions. The carbon rims on Lord Ridley’s pride and joy, stripped for cleaning and battle preparation only the evening prior, was now beginning to protest – howling into the unforgiving dawn. “CLEAR” was the call from Ridley who rounded Bourke first; “CLEAR” from Specialized altering Malvern-Star and Wilier to the absence of any four wheeled predators in their path.

Bourke relented. The foursome stomped on its head as though it were not ever a worthy opponent; all others knowing of course that this is rarely if ever the case, but that was the mindset of the warriors this day – they broke it’s will to provide even the slightest opposition. The Gods too relented; proof that while warriors may occasionally listen to their inner voices prior to departure from the cosseted bosom of warm and comfortable beds if the rain is pelting their roof, it never really lasts. The joy of it stopping whilst out is heaven; and allows for the true feeling of wet, sodden feet to be reveled in.

Melville offered no resistance; nor Majestic. And if not for the ‘ping’ of the youthful Duke Malvern-Star as the group more than adequately dispatched Gairloch, nay further a heart-rate would have been raised. The warriors returned to Raffles with the knowledge that the War was won; an adroit and commanding blow to the chest of would be Monday Resistors.

Coffee and cheers all round!