“This is the worst breakfast I’ve had for a long time: what is it? It’s an egg & bacon McMuffin, Dad, that’s why I’m having pancakes, hash browns and syrup. Enjoy!” And so the Collie Cyclo Sportif morning dawned with some carbo (in)digestion.

The Collie Six. Bill (refugee from Main 1 looking to rediscover his mojo); Vince (his first event and only started cycling 2 months ago); Judy (doing it for the sisterhood); Ross (doing it for the over 70s); John (trying to show his son he’s not past it yet); Keith (showing his dad that he is). Bill had cycled the 21km course on Sat and confirmed that it was a good road, gently undulating and some nice views which was quite correct: a really attractive route. So we met at the gantry, pumped up and ready to cycle as a team and help each other over the 4 laps. Good intentions …that were to go the way of the Dodo.

We cycled together reasonably well for the first two laps; a bit of a split on the long, gentle climb but we’d regroup and get the strongest riders in front most of the time. There were 18 teams entered for the 84km ride so it was not a busy, busy route (unlike Swan Valley). We were overtaken by a few groups and one stuck out: a lady had the most threadbare cycling shorts we have ever seen. A few patches of black thread but predominantly pink buttocks showing through.

Moral dilema1: do you mention this to the offender on the ride? Afterwards? Not at all?

As we crossed the timing station after our second lap it was clear that we were behind schedule. The starter had mentioned that we had to commence the final lap by 11.15 otherwise we would be pulled off the course (to avoid intefering with The Race). We had to average 45 mins per lap and we were about 5 mins behind so we had to increase the pace, which we duly did. About half way round we’d slpit into 4+2.

Moral dilema 2: do you abide by the Cyclo ethos and regroup and get pulled off the course? or carry on to complete it?

There was no discussion really: we knew that the 2 wanted the 4 to carry regardless and achieve what we had set out to do. So we did.. and then ..Ross yelled “Puncture” some 7 km and 14 mins away from the timing station.

Moral dilema 3: do you abide by the Cyclo rules and all wait while the tube is replaced and get then pulled off the course? or carry on to complete it?

Luckily there was no question. Ross told us to carry on. We looked back and saw the picture of martyrdom: back of his left hand on his forehead, right hand pointing to the heavens, plaintiffly crying “abandon me, abandon me for the greater good, ohh ohh”. Ross eventually got back on the bike and WAS pulled off the course (he tried to sneak round a backroad but was recognised). So the Collie 4 became the Collie 3 and on the final 3km we received our instructions from Bill: “I want you two work together to get your speed up to 58kmph with 400m to go, then I’ll whip out and sprint for the line”. He’s joking (he was: I couldn’t even get to 38kmph!) But we finished it just before 12.00 (according to my clock).

Meanwhile the Collie 2 had passed the timing station without being pulled off and although they were passed by The Race, they also completed the course.

So awards to Vincent for completing his first event and first ride of this duration; to Judy for supporting him particularly on the last lap and living the SPR spirit; and to Ross for his tragedian acting ability.

Moral dilema 4: do Bill, John and Keith deserve recognition for completing the course in record SPR team time despite abandoning their mates?