It has been a number of weeks, stretching into a number of months, since i have done a hills ride, so i was not expecting too much from myself this fine spring morning. To start with I was having a wardrobe malfunction with my new-ish jersey in the carpark. As i zipped it up the zip would open from the bottom up giving me a somewhat creepy ‘exposed’ look that may or may not have been breaking the terms of my parol. Anyway,  i managed to get myself half decent, skirting the attention of the sex offenders registers board, and off we went after realising that el president was not going to be there to shepherd us. Nice, steady, and strong out of town we were, with light hearts and dreams of spring, until the first hill… “Kahuna”. Nice and long with a few steeper sections…you know? So I made a push to get (i might interrupt, gentle reader, to let you know that i will be writing this from a phenomenological perspective with myself as the obvious centre of the narrative structure… all right, on with the story), so, seeing the start of the hill i pushed to the front where the regular mountain goats were flocking. This was a good thing as i could use Heiko’s (frankly impressive) physique to sit behind and help me pace myself to the top. This helped to stop me from succumbing to my usual youthful enthusiasm and hitting out to hard too early. Heiko and i were close toward the top, like Contador and Schleck we were, till i tried outsprinting him and the inevitable happened.

      the scores at the top: 1: North Side Nick, 2: Stewie, 3: Blaire Maugham, 4: Heiko, 5: Morrison

This is where the guys doing a shorter route split off, and on we rolled. the next climb was Roleystone which has two sections with a flat/downhill section in the middle. there were a few likely characters ahead so i was counting on the last section to attempt to drop Davina and Jamie who were rolling with me. well, i got on the front to try and push it at the base of the climb but couldn’t shake them. Half ways up Davina attacked with a wicked and impressive sprint…i followed but couldn’t counter it  and she stayed ahead to get 5th. (p.s i hate getting beaten by girls. You would think i was used to it by now but no, not so much. Anyway, after seeing Davina compete with the A grade men at last weekends Golden Spoke race where she finished in the breakaway group ( in A grade for gods sake!)

      the wickets at the top: 1: Nick, 2: Stewie, 3: Mark E, 4: Heiko, 5: Davina

Well its been bracing so far so lets do more we all said. on the transition to the next climb a nameless voice was heard to say “ease up, I didn’t realise it was a sprint to the next climb!” actually that was Gus, and i seconded his complaint and covert proposal as we were rocketing along with my legs singing an aria of pain. We did get to the next climb of the Observatory – Patterson road, where once again Nick and Stewie showed why EPO should be allowed for people such as myself, who’s talent does not match their competitive desires (if only it wasn’t morally reprehensible, and so expensive) with another strong showing.

      Quoffles, Bludgers and Golden Snitch points at the top: 1: Nick, 2: Stewie, 3: Jarad, 4: Jamie, 5: Morrison

And on to the last climb for the ultimate prize of bragging rites and times on the board. The Mundaring Weir road while usually just painful, was also highly amusing today as Nick and Jarad went stomping up it in the 53×13! I just shook my head at their optimistic shenanigans and kept on spinning with the statesman like dignity and aplomb more fitting for one of my advancing years. I figured they would probably still be able to beat me anyway so i had better just keep my head down and just enjoy my own suffering. To give you an idea of how I went on this climb, i was still a fair ways off the top when Stewie came back down the hill to stretch his legs!

      Goals: 1: Stewie, 2: Mark, 3: Nick, 4: Blair, 5: Heiko

The usual coffee shop was chocker block with MAMIL’s and MAWIL’s so we kept on our way, and took Stewie’s long way home. Geoff (Jeff?) got a flat from the same wicked grate on welshpool road, just down from the Albany highway lights that i have seen others suffer on, and Stewie and him manfully changed his tyre. A few guys stayed to pace them home, me being one of these. This meant that i had to sit tight and hang on while Heiko, Stewie, Jarad and Geoff powered on the front all the way back to the carpark. Now, that was a hard ride! I didn’t have any computer or such fancy city-fied gadget on my bike so i didn’t get any stats, but my finely honed intuition tells me we went about 95 kilometres at great speed. Good day. Morrison