A Thesis On the Advantage of Time Trials (over carnage).

by big Nick

Recovering from a bout of gastro I missed the opportunity to help out at the Joondalup Classic, and opted to undertake my first 40km “Race of Truth” . Obviously some clip-on tt bars would give me the edge over the rest of the field, and a tweak of the seat to ramp up the discomfort would also give the impression I knew what to do. Luckily I had also shifted a few kilograms over the previous weekend so the power to weight ratio was looking sweet too.

I was guided by the upbeat review in the latest Ride magazine and the cheap membership to ATTA.

The locale was a heatsoak near the Alcoa red mud lakes off Anketell Road, south of the city. Being Sunday, and the merits of 38 degree heat already well documented, it was nice to start  “Visioning”  winning…

…at least until I saw the millions of dollars worth of custom time trial bikes, carbon deep dish and solid race singles, blokes and blokettes with camel back aero helmet extensions, people on the trainers getting warmed up, and Cameron Meyer.

So maybe I should re-adjust my objectives for the day.

1. Finish. 2. Beat any woman 3.Take out the hand cycle dude 4. Average over 34km/h for the full distance.

Starting at 8am, still less than 36 degrees in the shade, I had Lorraine Schutz starting one minute in front of me….the extremely fit and motivated World Masters TT Age Champion. Think like a winner, at least I won’t have her go past me in her jet ….

and off we go into a head wind. Brilliant. struggle to hit 32km/h into the bastard wind, and then turn left to get assisted by the breeze only to find it is a bastard hill in the way, and I struggle to tonk it with the breeze….no-one around…another nice left hander… my *^$# seat post has just hit the “squeak like a stuck pig” button, due to my fiddling. Nothing more annoying than this symphony. See my two minute man…. a friend… nice to take him out….not a hills man obviously.

Until I hit the hill too and somehow the wind has changed direction to be right into my face and did I mention the hill…and the wind. So then hit the finish for the first of three laps with a bang. Literally. Someone’s single had popped in the heat. Road not melting yet. Hey this isn’t so hard.

Soon had time to reflect on my malfunctioning Polar heart rate monitor. Somehow the dial was stuck at 188 BPM even when I stopped pedalling briefly. Back to the next left and a sweeping section where I hit my top speed at 51km/h once.

That bastard hill..the damn wind etc….seems like a theme going on here. The heart rate montor had dropped slightly but after another lap I had the strange sensation of feeling cold and getting shivers. Recent medical advice seems to suggest that this was the onset of heat exhaustion, so anyone else that felt this should volunteer to Edith Cowan Uni Sports physiology unit…they were quite interested.

Yes well I finished….Didn’t beat the reigning World TT Champ….took out the hand cycle dude…and averaged 35.7km/h….and 178 BPM ave …so almost met my objectives. I even had a pee 8 hours later.

Cameron Meyer managed a brisk average of 46.1km/h, which was 4:36 mins and 3.7km/h quicker than the not-too-shabby next bloke, Mark Roberts ( National Masters TT Age Champion). So room for improvement there (not them obviously).

In summary….

It looks like the whole TT gig is the soft putty option when compared with mass attrition, collisions, bike and leg and elbow destruction, and Lorraine’s stonking and arguably legal brownies.

On the other hand, the fact that I was so far adrift from the lead time, facing the wind by yourself with the tuneful sounds of a ridiculously squeaky seatpost, is somehow an honest battle.

No team to let you down or support you, no crashes to take you down, no A graders fronting B grade, no being boxed in….just turn up, shut up and flog yourself. I may even do it again on behalf of SPR if I find out where my left buttock dropped off!