this was posted on cycling tips blog but was supposed to be from the “new york world” circa 1895.  i have made some spr references.

• Don’t be a fright. (remember, cars are just as scared of us as we are of them)
• Don’t faint on the road. (especially in a group)
• Don’t wear a man’s cap. (only cyclists would think that their cycle cap look manly)
• Don’t wear tight garters. (modern day reference would be “shorty shorts”)
• Don’t forget your toolbag (learn how to fix your own punctures)
• Don’t attempt a “century.” (also know as the saturday double)
• Don’t coast. It is dangerous. (main 1)
• Don’t boast of your long rides. (anyone that is on strava)
• Don’t criticize people’s “legs.” (ever seen the pictures of mark hindley’s tanlines)
• Don’t wear loud hued leggings. (ever seen ryan’s clothing combinations)
• Don’t cultivate a “bicycle face.” (much like the “o” face)
• Don’t refuse assistance up a hill. (i am always happy for people to push me)
• Don’t wear clothes that don’t fit. (lycra is only forgiving to a point)
• Don’t neglect a “light’s out” cry. (main 1 calling redlights)
• Don’t wear jewellery while on a tour. (sure i have seen dr jerry sporting a bit of bling while riding)
• Don’t race. Leave that to the scorchers. (fast group will now be referred to as the “scorchers”)
• Don’t wear laced boots. They are tiresome. (buckles are so 1900’s, boa wire adjustments are in)
• Don’t imagine everybody is looking at you. (but they are.  you know it, or why else would you cycle)
• Don’t go to church in your bicycle costume. (i think kimbo went to the dawn service on anzac day)
• Don’t wear a garden party hat with bloomers. (modern equivalent, stackhat with 3/4 length knicks)
• Don’t contest the right of way with cable cars. (or any cars.  being deadright is still dead)
• Don’t chew gum. Exercise your jaws in private. (somethings you should do in private) 
• Don’t wear white kid gloves. Silk is the thing. (all white silk kit…anyone…zac, jerry, jarrad)
• Don’t ask, “What do you think of my bloomers?”  (tell them when their knicks are getting a bit thin)
• Don’t use bicycle slang. Leave that to the boys. (unless you actually know all the slang)
• Don’t go out after dark without a male escort. (where can i hire one of those???)
• Don’t without a needle, thread and thimble. (dr melvyn has medical superglue with him)
• Don’t try to have every article of your attire “match.” (the rapha boys all in black)
• Don’t let your golden hair be hanging down your back. (see, no mullets even back then)
• Don’t allow dear little Fido to accompany you (la chihuahua is still allowed on our rides)
• Don’t scratch a match on the seat of your bloomers. (unless you are itchy, ride to the back first)
• Don’t discuss bloomers with every man you know. (do these white knicks make my butt look big)
• Don’t appear in public until you have learned to ride well. (we have a few of those still)
• Don’t overdo things. Let cycling be a recreation, not a labor. (the thursday fast group)
• Don’t ignore the laws of the road because you are a woman. (lennie, ducking under a red light)
• Don’t try to ride in your brother’s clothes “to see how it feels.” (brother jules and dan used to do this a bit)
• Don’t scream if you meet a cow. If she sees you first, she will run. (bit harsh, not everyone is beautiful)
• Don’t cultivate everything that is up to date because yon ride a wheel. (wiggle, pbk, crc)
• Don’t emulate your brother’s attitude if he rides parallel with the ground. (does this mean crash or mtb)
• Don’t undertake a long ride if you are not confident of performing it easily. (200km challenge, anyone???)
• Don’t appear to be up on “records” and “record smashing.” That is sporty. (again with the strava references)