Kewdale, 28 February 2010, B Grade Masters Criterium
The SPR Love is spreading quicker than San Francisco in 1967. No aspect of cycling here in WA is safe, especially now that I have got off my slightly off season buttocks and tackled the “racing scene”. Oh yeah.
Anyhow, Kewdale. How to lose at Master’s Criteriums.
Do not try to :
- grow out the leg hairs, and
- wear mismatching and obsolete team gear in an effort to look slow.
These do not fool the handicapper at these events. Anyone male under 50 gets put in B grade as a starting point. I think the condition of your calves is also a determining factor.
Next step.
Psyche out the opposition. Here’s how:
- Practice your sprint finishes before the race to take some of the spring out of the legs,
- Say that you ride in the SPR Advanced Group, even if you don’t. This is however at risk of being found out by the fact that there are undercover SPR riders around you,
- Start in the biggest gears possible (55 x 11 preferred) to give impression of huge calves, and
- go for huge deep dish wheels that make straight lines impossible with the prevailing side winds (option not available to me).
Now about the racing.
- Leap onto the front within 20m and attempt instant breakaway. Fail.
- Try again within 7 minutes and get a solo break of 20 m that you maintain for at least 5 laps into a decent head wind. Fail.
- Chase every move by anyone. Succeed repeatedly.
- Maintain wind blocking capability at all times, giving maximum shielding to all behind.
- Drop into anyone elses wind shadow. Fail.
- make a last unsuccessful break attempt with 700m to go, red line heart rate. Fail.
- hit the last corner with a dab of brakes, just to scare everyone behind (optional brown knicks award for that),
- give up when you miss the first six places and realise that you won’t get the money for a coke.
All in all a very successful recipe for mediocrity. Highly recommended. I can see what all this fuss is about now.
Cheers Nick (not Rick) Churchill
Hi Nick,
Thanks for providing the wind protection for most of the race, it was well appreciated! From my position of (relative) comfort I was well impressed with your ability to keep the pace up around the 38kph mark, given the nasty headwind. And like you said, every attempted escape was well countered by your good self.
Actually, this was my first bunch road race in around 20 years, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. There was another SPR rider in our cat, although he was decked out in full SPR regalia unlike Nick and I. He was also very good, as he won the event! Well done Bruce! Coming into the second last corner I saw him giving it some gas, closely followed by another rider I’d been told to watch. So I went for it as well. Around the last corner and with around 250 metres to the finish I was in third place. I gave it everything I had but then this little guy with bigger legs and bigger gearing (I have a compact crank) came past me with 50m to go. So 4th place for me. Not too shabby for a first attempt. I think I could really get into this racing lark!
Nick, for the record, I thought you were one of the strongest guys in our cat. Better luck next time!
Thanks for your kind words.
Did you end up getting any winnings, or did the not being a member get in the way of that.
I aim to bring all my crafty cunning race skills along next time now that I am “in the elite” now. Maybe I can turn up and do an “open” crit or race. See if I grow the legs hairs any further and sneak into d grade.
Yes, I did get some winnings.
There are a couple of Masters crits left before a break and then the road racing season kicks off. I’m looking forward to giving those a shot! Maybe we should discuss tactics next time though!
Absolutely.
Tactics and profit sharing arrangements.
My next race won’t be for a while as I do ATTA, but the road season will be good.
Wouldn’t give up the day job on the profit sharing front haha – there wasn’t much – enough for a couple of coke’s each! Still, not really the point though. It was a good fun event.
hey Nick
Sounds freakishly similar experience to my first Masters crit about a year ago!
Hope to see you and mark at more WC Masters events. It’s a pretty cool club and the more the merrier. I usually do B grade but have been silly enough to dabble in A grade recently…yep that’s a bit of ouch.
Ciao
Well done guys, especially Bruce. Mate they will be putting you into A very soon I think. Looking forward to racing the masters road events this season.
Well done Bruce.
Nick it sounds like you have been frequenting the same school of racing as myself – I have however relocated to a new school which is better it practices the art of patience….something I have been totally unfamiliar with! 😉
Ha, ha. Very funny Nick. Sounds like my first foray into crits as well. The other thing I did learn is how to look knackered (although, most of the time, I wasn’t pretending!)